Drug Pushers Spotted At Local Grocery Store

I'm here to warn you of a well known threat resurfacing. They usually appear this time of year disguised as little girls wearing brown sashes, who plant themselves where we are all destined to go to at one point or another, the Grocery Store.

They're pushing drugs called Caramel Delights, Thin Mints and TagAlongs for $4 a box. It's impossible to eat just one. If I could, I would. These boxes will surely sabotage my New Years resolution to rock the swimsuit look this summer.

I was confronted by this threat at Johnny's Foodmaster. I was a well intentioned shopper looking to fill my basket with fruits, veggies and lean meats. I sneaked by them on my way in, wondering how I am going to get out without them seeing me.

I spotted an Emergency Exit but was warned by a 'Store Clerk' (surely an evil doer disguised as such) that the alarm would sound if I were to use it. The alarm should sound. This is in fact an emergency. Store clerk looked to be packing some heat, or at least a devil dog or two, so I eliminated that exit as an option.

I have no choice, I need to confront the 'little girls' and somehow out run them. I consider ditching my Uggs, wishing I wore my Air Jordan sneakers, I just didn't see this coming. I place one Ugg foot on the rubber mat sensor, the electronic door swings open and I make a frantic run for it!

Stupid Uggs. I trip over myself and hear a little blonde 'girl' yell 'Miss, would you like to buy some cookies and support the Girl Scouts of America?'. Did she say Miss? Not 'maam', but 'miss'? Sold to the flattering little drug pusher. I invest in a box of Caramel Delights and go home to lick my wounds (covered in bits of caramel).

Tomorrow is a new day. Onward and upward!